14.11.2008

My dearest Cousin,

I am sorry for not catching up more often.
I am sorry for not being there when you need me.
I am sorry for thinking there's always tomorrow.
I am sorry for being caught up in my everyday life.
I am sorry for not saying goodbye.

All the tears that i shed while standing by your hospital bed, knowing you can't hear me...all my sorrys are just too late. The things i would give up just to see you smile again, the smile that would lit up the whole room. Our laughter. As you and me used to gang up against your elder brother, Andrew. How he always looked at us in desperation and said "You two rascals are so alike". There's just so much i wanna say to you. But can you hear me? Can you hear me from where you are now?

It hurts really bad. When someone whom you know your whole entire life just goes away. One minute there, the next minute like "pooof". The six of us were so so close when we were growing up. Your mom would bring the 3 of you over to our home and we would just messed up the entire house. Our dreams. Our little secrets and promises. All these reminisces of the past. What happen to our dreams of growing old together?

You were so brave and so strong. A true fighter. Always so cheerful and optimistic throughout the whole ordeal. Never letting your loved ones see the pain you were going through. But life is so cruel sometimes. You were so young. So much ahead of you. I keep asking " Why? Why u have to take her away from us?"

I did a silly thing yesterday. I logged into friendster just to see your profile and your photos. I cried while reading through your ambitions and your fav things in life. It just feels like you were still with us. I posted a message in your friendster account. I just missed you so so much that it's really painful.

:(

My dearest Christina, take care wherever you are. You were the best cousin i could ever wish for. I would always remember you. All our fond memories together will be forever embedded in my heart. You hate pple to cry over you. I will be strong. I will not cry anymore. Promise. (maybe sometimes?)

Dr. Seuss -- "Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" and i can just see you smiling back at me
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